Another year gone. And my, did it go fast! A lot changed and happened in 2018, but after 2017, it felt like more of a year of adjusting and tuning rather than one of upheaval.

I began the year welcoming a good friend into my apartment as a new roommate, and we spent the winter months nesting and working on puzzles and generally resting. Then the new tour season came in fast and furious as ever bringing with it management and schedule changes that seriously threatened my feeling of calm. But as I’ve learned over and over again, sometimes you have to get really uncomfortable in order to make a necessary change, and that was the kick in the pants I needed to sit down with my work records, look at the big picture, and start really getting my shit together.*

As I began to tweak my expectations, goals, and boundaries around work, my dear roommate found a fabulous new apartment just across the street, moved out, and I settled in again to a last couple of months of single living before my boyfriend moved in over the summer. More nesting, more tweaking and settling in, and here I am, coming around again to find January nearly over, and hoping for a quiet and restorative February.

In a way, 2018 was a continuation of 2017’s quest to find some peace and calm and presence. It was a year of clarifying priorities and setting boundaries. After dragging my feet for years, I finally found a therapist, and with her help I am learning to put my anxiety into perspective, to trust myself rather than overanalyzing when something feels off, and to say ’no’ with more confidence. Though it has not been easy, I have managed to clear a great deal of negativity out of my life, and in the process made space for more clarity, more joy, more curiosity, and excitement! I’ve watched less tv, done just a touch less reading, but a good deal more playing of board games, more escape rooms and small weekend adventures. While we did spend most of the year physically and mentally close to home, we did take a couple of great trips and also made time to do some big dreaming and planning.

On the work front, 2018 found me shifting focus a little away from the large group public tours I’ve become used to doing, and more towards small group, educational, and custom private tours. Being pretty seriously introverted I have historically found the bigger groups to be less stressful in that they require more ‘performance’ and less one on one interaction with guests. I will admit to some pretty serious anxiety around longer tours for smaller groups- what in the world do I say to these people for five hours?! But the more of those I did, the more I began to enjoy them. Immersion therapy! And in the tail end of 2018, I got myself hired on as a guide for Tours By Locals which is a platform that focuses on custom, small group, private tours. I started 2019 with my first tour through TBL. A five hour custom jaunt for one guest. I had a blast, and am very much looking forward to all the new things I now have an excuse to learn and all the new places I can explore with small groups that are just not open to giant public tours.

This time last year, that idea would have terrified me. I was comfy, cozy in my public tour pattern. Perhaps a little bit bored, but it’s much safer to walk with strangers when there’s a set path and a time limit. I’m sure I will still do some public tours this season, but not nearly as many, and that’s ok. My priorities have shifted, or maybe clarified, and this new path fits in very nicely with where I’d like to be, and where I’d like to go.

And where I would like to go is everywhere! Another project on the docket at the beginning of this new year is planning for a real bucket list trip. This trip is going to involve facing some pretty big fears. Flying to the other side of the planet for starters. Then some zip lining and repelling…underground. Riding in a helicopter. And SCUBA diving! That last one has been something I’ve wanted to do as long as I can remember. My grandfather loved to dive, and I always wanted to go with him. We never got the chance, and learning to dive became one of those things I kept putting off. But this month I signed up for a SCUBA certification intensive in preparation to actually go do the thing on the other side of the world. The diving might warrant an entire post of its own. Suffice it to say, sometimes you just have to make a decision and jump in feet first before you can talk yourself out of it.

Looking back over my “Wrapping up 2017” post and the goals I laid out there for 2018, I think I did a good job sticking with them. And I think that helped me get to my current place of calm where I am able to look into 2019 with great excitement and energy. I wanted to be more present last year, and to make more time for more meaningful things. And by being more present, and carving out that time for the meaningful things and the important people, I was able to get a lot more clear on what exactly is meaningful, and who really is important to me. With all the madness swirling around in the world today, what will I regret not doing if I never get the chance? What are the things I want to be able to look back and remember, and what are the things that are standing in the way of those dreams? What do I need to make those dreams happen? What steps are within my power to take? What is beyond my control, and therefore not worth the energy? Clarify, simplify, set boundaries, and focus.

In 2018, Dylan (my boyfriend) and I (along with the occasional addition of friends and family!) played 172 hours of board games. Just over 7 days. An entire week of the year unplugged and focused on a single task and the other people at the table. Most of the games we play are cooperative, so we have a team, each with specific strengths, and a finite number of resources available to overcome obstacles (wary guards and alarms, electrical storms, rising water, opposing armies, Voldemort…) and complete a task (rob a bank, wire a circuit, escape a sinking island, win a war, defeat Voldemort…). Not only have I found this habit of regular game play to be a remarkable way to relax and let go of daily stressors, but I have found the skills I practice at our table are helping me to better tackle those daily stressors and all the other adventures in life.* Managing my freelance work schedule and making sure it both supports and leaves room for downtime and other adventures? It’s a game! Planning little adventures, and big, epic adventures? It’s a game! Figuring out with your partner how to keep the house clean and running without either of you going crazy? A game! Same communication skills, same organizational and planning skills, different board and different pieces. I have always considered myself to be a rather capable and organized person, but it really is remarkable how much stress I have allowed to creep into my life simply by not being completely aware. If you stop and sort the puzzle pieces first, it makes it so much easier to put the puzzle together! By taking stock of what resources I actually have available, I can throw out any extraneous fluff, and focus on the task at hand.

In 2017 I shook things up pretty dramatically, and in 2018 I rebuilt a new and nicely solid foundation reinforced by some good boundaries and some amazing people. In 2019 I’m going to build on that foundation. I’m going to take that new feeling of confidence and security, and use it as a base to start stretching in new directions. Starting with learning to SCUBA dive! No more getting mired in other people’s expectations and reactions. No more getting lost in a loop of negativity. What is within my power right now to get me closer to where I want to go? Specific goals, specific steps, specific boundaries around it all. And if I happen to get unexpectedly blown onto another tile on the board or dropped down a level? Well then, the foundation is still firmly in place, and I ask the same question again, and evaluate based on my new location. A game! 2019 is going to be fun, y’all!

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Recommended Reading & Watching:

*As I was thinking and writing about game play and life skills, I was reminded of this TED Talk. Please enjoy!

*I also recommend these three books which I devoured (maybe more than once) on Audible last summer. My complete “2018 Read” list is coming soon in a separate post.

Get Your Sh*t Together: How to Stop Worrying About What You Should Do So You Can Finish What You Need to Do and Start Doing What You Want to Do: Sarah Knight

 

 

You Do You: How to Be Who You Are and Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want: Sarah Knight

 

 

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don’t Have with People You Don’t Like Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do: Sarah Knight